May

First Steps

Posted by: Sonny in Belief, Discipleship, Kingdom, mission

I have a confession to make.

I am not who I believe I should be. I am not who I want to be. I am not who my wife thinks I ought to be. But most of all, I am not who God made me to be.

I say all that to simply admit that I do make mistakes; mistakes in actions, in reactions, in words and in deeds. I have to admit that it is even possible that my opinions and conclusions may be wrong sometimes. But thankfully I usually try to admit that I could be wrong about those. I am loud, passionate, and overbearing sometimes in my attitude and delivery. I am human. For that I apologize.

first-steps I have also been challenged more this past year about what it means to be Christlike than ever before. I in turn have grown uncomfortable in my role in the mission Jesus left with us all. I have tried to take the lazy way out and tell myself that my job was to discern and instruct, to study and to share. But I realize that is not enough. The time I spend trying to herd others onto the path I see, instead of taking the first steps onto that path myself, is wasteful. And if there is one thing I know, it is that time is running out.

Our goal is to be a disciple and our mission is to go and make disciples. Discipleship at its simplest is to become like the Master. A lot of us are already working on the goal, including myself, but not so much on the mission. It does seem that the vast majority of even steady, faithful, church goers are not ready to take those first steps. I have been hesitant myself for too long and it grieves me more each day. I know that the frustration that is building in me is starting to come out in ways that do the vision a disservice. And it is not very Christlike at the same time.

I know that changes must come if the Kingdom is going to advance. Changes in the way we have been looking at the mission. Changes in the way we look at Church, denominational institutions, and leadership. Changes in the way we present the love of Jesus to the world. Changes in the way we relate to all of those around us. Changes in the way we see ourselves as citizens of the Kingdom of God. Changes in our worldly nationalistic pride. Changes in our tacit acceptance of our own evil agendas. Changes in our hate filled grandiloquence towards those that we see as beneath us good Christians. Changes that have to be realized and actualized if we are to show our Father we really are on board with Him.

I have desperately tried to relay this, just waiting for someone to take those first steps. What I did not see was that maybe I need to take them. There are about to be changes in my life. I am going to step up and step out. I just have to remind myself the first steps are the hardest.

Love you all

Tags: Believe, Christlike, Church, confession, frustration, Kingdom, Leadership, mission, Self, Service

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 28th, 2009 at 12:03 am and is filed under Belief, Discipleship, Kingdom, mission. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 comments so far

john

I love you. good luck on your journey, i’ll be praying for you and following your progress. even though i dont think you realize it you have been and are still a great teacher.

May 28th, 2009 at 12:17 am

Sonny

I love you too

May 28th, 2009 at 12:22 am

Michael

Once in my life I had what I thought was an unshakable faith. I had a home church which I attended every time the doors opened. I was a leader in sunday school. I was even called to preach the gospel of Christ. I had a great home, and a young pretty wife who supported me in every effort, and life couldnt have been better.
In 4 years everything changed I do mean everything. My wife and I began to explore the world , and the world began to change us both. Just as you take a coal from a fire and move it off to itself our fire began to fade. Our church habits became less, and less important until they dissapeared completly. We began to party with friends, smoke a little pot, drink a few beers. Our marriage didnt last long after that, and soon i was alone bitter, and blaming everyone BUT the one person who was to blame myself.
I sunk deeper, and deeper blamming God, crying why me, why did you let this happen to me? A few years later i was moving from woman to woman. drugs were a way of life. Pot, pills, crystal meth, crack, coke you name it i did it. I would sleep with any woman I met in bars, or through the drug culture I had sunk into. What a sad example I had become from the pulpit to the crack house. I became broke ,jobless, doing anything I could do to fund my next high. working for mere pennies compared to the job i had held.
The drugs began to take their toll on my body, my mind. I became a shell of the person I once had been. In the midst of this havoc I got a girlfriend pregnant. Turned out she was having a son, my son. The day he was born i sat in the hospital bored wanting to be somewhere else, I serched the room for something to entertain myself with since we didnt have the money to have the TV turned on. I found a bible, and it opened to the story of the prodical son. My heart filled with darkness, and shame i read the story, and remembered my Fathers house, remembered the life I had once had, and finally knew that God hadnt moved I had his arms were still open, and he loved me without question. The chains that were tangled about me, the great weight of shame began to fall away.
Today I am 47. I am remarried, and back in Gods house. I am raising my son who is now 11, and he attends with my wife and I. In whatever you endever to do teach, preach,never let the world move you from Gods wisdom, and love. You will be tried, tested, and you will fail at times. Do not let those failures become excuses. There is only one person we control in this life, and it is ourselves, we may fall short, and we may sin but there is always a place at our fathers table, there is forgiveness, and love NO MATTER WHAT.
I dont know why i told you this but i think you needed to hear it for some reason. God bless you

May 30th, 2009 at 12:07 am

Sonny

Michael

Thanks for sharing this testimony and for visiting. Please come back again.

I will think about what you have said here but just so no one misunderstands, I am not leaving God or the people of God which is the Church. I am just frustrated with doing the same things inside the church and never going and doing what we are supposed to be doing outside those four walls. I will heed your words though because any one of us could easily slip away if we forsake the structure of institutional worship and church going.

I just want to carry out the mission Jesus left with us in a way that does honor to God and the Kingdom.

Again, thanks for sharing your story.

Love you all

May 30th, 2009 at 12:51 am

Anthony

Michael

Thank you very much for your testimony. I have a somewhat similar testimony, minus a few things, and plus a couple. Up until very recent, I have been trying to get back to the place I was with God when I was 12 years old. It’s been a while for me, but I was always trying to get back there. One day I realized that the place I was then was much different than the place I could be now with God. I’m older and more experienced in both the good and the bad. I think the reason my faith has been so back and forth is because I’ve always been trying to go back. Not too long ago I realized that we have to move forward, regardless of who we are.

May 31st, 2009 at 2:44 am

Anthony

I too am not who God would have me be. It seems at times that I am doing way too much, and not enough at the same time. I’m not sure if anyone else has had those experiences. I think I’ve invited almost everyone I know to the Bridge. With “know” being the keyword there. I haven’t branched much further than that. I do my best to not sweat the situations and inconveniences that used to be very frustrating to me. I read my Bible a whole lot more than I ever have, and pray all the time, but sometimes feel overworked, but just out of reach of the next step on the ladder. I hope and pray we all can have the courage to step boldly into God’s will.

You and Tammy both are always in my prayers. I love you both, and hold both of you very dear to my heart.

May 31st, 2009 at 2:54 am