I have a confession to make.

I am not who I believe I should be.  I am not who I want to be.  I am not who my wife thinks I ought to be.  But most of all, I am not who God made me to be.

I say all that to simply admit that I do make mistakes; mistakes in actions, in reactions, in words and in deeds.  I have to admit that it is even possible that my opinions and conclusions may be wrong sometimes.  But thankfully I usually try to admit that I could be wrong about those.  I am loud, passionate, and overbearing sometimes in my attitude and delivery.  I am human.  For that I apologize.

I have also been challenged more this past year about what it means to be Christlike than ever before.  I in turn have grown uncomfortable in my role in the mission Jesus left with us all.  I have tried to take the lazy way out and tell myself that my job was to discern and instruct, to study and to share.  But I realize that is not enough.  The time I spend trying to herd others onto the path I see, instead of taking the first steps onto that path myself, is wasteful.  And if there is one thing I know, it is that time is running out.

Our goal is to be a disciple and our mission is to go and make disciples.  Discipleship at its simplest is to become like the Master.  A lot of us are already working on the goal, including myself, but not so much on the mission.  It does seem that the vast majority of even steady, faithful, church goers are not ready to take those first steps.  I have been hesitant myself for too long and it grieves me more each day.  I know that the frustration that is building in me is starting to come out in ways that do the vision a disservice.  And it is not very Christlike at the same time.

I know that changes must come if the Kingdom is going to advance.  Changes in the way we have been looking at the mission.  Changes in the way we look at Church, denominational institutions, and leadership.  Changes in the way we present the love of Jesus to the world.  Changes in the way we relate to all of those around us.  Changes in the way we see ourselves as citizens of the Kingdom of God.  Changes in our worldly nationalistic pride.  Changes in our tacit acceptance of our own evil agendas.  Changes in our hate filled grandiloquence towards those that we see as beneath us good Christians.  Changes that have to be realized and actualized if we are to show our Father we really are on board with Him.

I have desperately tried to relay this, just waiting for someone to take those first steps. What I did not see was that maybe I need to take them.  There are about to be changes in my life.  I am going to step up and step out.  I just have to remind myself the first steps are the hardest.

Love you all

Tags: Believe, Christlike, Church, confession, frustration, Kingdom, Leadership, mission, Self, Service