I have a confession to make.

I am not who I believe I should be.  I am not who I want to be.  I am not who my wife thinks I ought to be.  But most of all, I am not who God made me to be.

I say all that to simply admit that I do make mistakes; mistakes in actions, in reactions, in words and in deeds.  I have to admit that it is even possible that my opinions and conclusions may be wrong sometimes.  But thankfully I usually try to admit that I could be wrong about those.  I am loud, passionate, and overbearing sometimes in my attitude and delivery.  I am human.  For that I apologize.

I have also been challenged more this past year about what it means to be Christlike than ever before.  I in turn have grown uncomfortable in my role in the mission Jesus left with us all.  I have tried to take the lazy way out and tell myself that my job was to discern and instruct, to study and to share.  But I realize that is not enough.  The time I spend trying to herd others onto the path I see, instead of taking the first steps onto that path myself, is wasteful.  And if there is one thing I know, it is that time is running out.

Our goal is to be a disciple and our mission is to go and make disciples.  Discipleship at its simplest is to become like the Master.  A lot of us are already working on the goal, including myself, but not so much on the mission.  It does seem that the vast majority of even steady, faithful, church goers are not ready to take those first steps.  I have been hesitant myself for too long and it grieves me more each day.  I know that the frustration that is building in me is starting to come out in ways that do the vision a disservice.  And it is not very Christlike at the same time.

I know that changes must come if the Kingdom is going to advance.  Changes in the way we have been looking at the mission.  Changes in the way we look at Church, denominational institutions, and leadership.  Changes in the way we present the love of Jesus to the world.  Changes in the way we relate to all of those around us.  Changes in the way we see ourselves as citizens of the Kingdom of God.  Changes in our worldly nationalistic pride.  Changes in our tacit acceptance of our own evil agendas.  Changes in our hate filled grandiloquence towards those that we see as beneath us good Christians.  Changes that have to be realized and actualized if we are to show our Father we really are on board with Him.

I have desperately tried to relay this, just waiting for someone to take those first steps. What I did not see was that maybe I need to take them.  There are about to be changes in my life.  I am going to step up and step out.  I just have to remind myself the first steps are the hardest.

Love you all

Tags: Believe, Christlike, Church, confession, frustration, Kingdom, Leadership, mission, Self, Service

I was going to make the discussion today a simple one without much controversy.  I decided instead to see what some of you think about what evidently is pretty controversial.  At least what I have been reading so far suggests it will be.

It has to do with violence and death.  I am interested in your views about a couple of things along these lines.  First, I have read a lot of comments from a lot of evangelicals about guns and self defense.  Second, I also read a lot recently about the torture issue.  Third, and last for now, I found some commentary about the death penalty that got very divisive among a group of evangelicals.  All of the views that I have read were mostly from Christians, with a few unbelievers chiming in on a few sites.  I just want to know what you think.

Do you think we should own guns for self defense?

Would you shoot someone?

Do you believe torture is ever justified?

Do you believe we should condone the death penalty?

Can you justify your beliefs with scripture?

Thanks in advance for your participation.

Love you all

Tags: Belief, Christians, Death, death penalty, Discussion, guns, Kingdom, Self, self defense, torture, town hall, Tuesday, violence

In September of 2007 I went from working 70 to 80 hours a week to about that same amount every month.  It has gotten even worse since then.  Back when I was so busy I barely had enough time to read some news, check television schedules and pay my bills while online.  I had heard of bulletin boards, forums, blogs, and other forms of communication on the internet but had never read or participated in them.  When the work schedule changed so drastically, I started reading more but I also started stumbling across blogs and forums and such.  Sometimes I wish I had not.

One of the first things I stumbled across was a site where a lot of ministers in my own denomination hung out.  It was also right before the General Assembly which is when the Church of God votes on change of leadership and other important issues.  I learned way too much.  I read a lot of things that ministers were saying and are saying and it makes me just want to run.  I want out of my denomination, out of my church and sometimes wish I was even out of the Kingdom.  If it truly could just be about me and Jesus, all would be fine.  But it can’t.  It is about relationship, community and the mission.

What I see coming from most Christians though is that it is about them.  Or for some, it is about their denomination.  If I hear another minister say how great a man of God someone is because they have did so much for the Church of God denomination instead of for the Lord of all the Church, I think I may explode.  I love the COG, it has done so much for me, how can you not love this grand old institution; these are a few of the many types of things some, and sadly they are usually the older ministers, say to anyone that questions the corruption that is so evident from the facts.  The corruption I am speaking about is the corruption of the mission.  But there is obviously even more.

I just finished reading Forgotten Ways, The: Reactivating the Missional Church by Alan Hirsch.  He wrote the following statement in it.

“In catering to the religious needs of some (largely the insiders) it has as a consequence failed to respond to the wider spiritual hunger of not-yet-Christians.”

He is referring to the institutional church; the denominations, the buildings, the hierarchy, the dogma, and the self-righteousness of our religion in conservative American Christianity.  We do not seem to want to do much more than token mission anymore.  We do enough to feel good about ourselves and even then, we ask those that need us to come to us instead of us going to them.  My own denominations problems seem to bear Hirsch’s thoughts out exactly.  The leaders at a certain level seem to only care about themselves and the continuance of the institution that caters to their aggrandizement.

This book has opened my eyes to a lot of things that I was already seeing and feeling.  I was just too busy to notice it until about the last year and a half.  The book is about becoming missional again.  The early church was missional but some of the older people in the COG seem to think this is some new spiritual fad or something and that we just need to get back to the old ways.  They don’t know how wrong and how right they are.  They are wrong about missional being a fad and right about needing to get back to the old ways.  But the old ways are much older than they think.  They are pre-Contantinian.  The early, persecuted church had it right.  So that is pretty old ways.

I think all ministers should be required to read this book and see if it does not check their spirit.  It has my own and I am nothing but a layman.  I am just so tired of seeing the people of God the same way I saw them when I was an atheist.  And I am not forgetting that I am one of them now.  I am going to figure out a way to be the person God needs me to be in His Kingdom today.  If it means changes are in store, then that is what will happen.  I wish more would join me in this endeavor to become what God meant for us to be.

One of the first things that I wish would be gotten rid of is this almost idolatrous view of “my” church, “my” denomination, “my” leaders, “my” ministry, and anything else we are so proud of because we see it as “ours”.  All of these things belong to Jesus, if they should really even exist.

I am sorry if anyone takes offense at anything I have written.  I know there may even be repercussions if I keep on saying some of the things I am saying.  But I am more concerned with the eternal repercussions if I keep quiet.

We do seem to have forgotten that it is not about us.  It is not about our comfort, our contentedness, or even our happiness.  Church is not an institution.  Church is a living, breathing, organism that is gasping for the breath of life because that breath, the Holy Spirit, seems to be slowly being pushed away by our inward instead of an outward focus.

Get the book.  Read it.  Come back and let me know if it woke anything in you.  It certainly has in me.  And not everyone will like it.

Love you all

Tags: America, atheist, Blogs, Christian, Christians, Church, Church of God, Conservative, denomination, forum, God, Holy Spirit, Kingdom, Leadership, ministry, mission, Righteousness, Self, spiritual hunger, War

You probably read the title and might be wondering what in the world I am talking about.  Atheism was not as hard as what?  The answer is atheism was not as hard as Christianity.  At this point some of you are probably thinking I am crazy, but hold on.  Am I?  Do you find Christianity easy?  If you do then I simply have to ask which Jesus you are following.

I know, before some of you even say it, loving a wonderful, merciful, savior is easy.  Loving God as Father is easy also.  He is so very easy to love when you get a taste of His incomprehensible mercy, amazing grace, and unsurpassable peace.  The very real fact that He rescued me from the jaws of death, literally, and an eternal destination far from Him, and even from enslavement by sin and service to the enemy makes it easy for me to love Him.

But is that all Christianity is?

No, it is not.  Christianity, no matter how a postmodern society and church defines it, is really about or should be about, following, serving, and doing as that easy to love Savior-King, Jesus, commanded us.  And He commanded us not only to love Him but to love everybody else too.  We must love our spouses as He loves the church-His body and bride.  We must love our families by obeying our parents and caring and instructing our children.  We must love our brothers in the family of God because anyone that hates his brother is a murderer.  We must love our neighbors even as we love ourselves and we know that we love ourselves very dearly.  We must even love our enemies and show it by turning the other cheek and giving them our coat when they steal our shirt.

This is a love that goes against our very natures.  When someone does not love us like we love them we tend to draw away, to hold back.  But this is in direct opposition to our instructions.  When I am faced by someone that does not reciprocate the love I try to develop I must try even harder.  When I am faced with bitter words coming from a loved one I am to keep quiet instead of retaliating.  When I am faced by ridicule, slander, or hurtful invective I am supposed to pray blessing upon that person.  None of this is easy.  But it is necessary.

It is necessary if we are going to be effective in our mission.  It is necessary if we are going to help win some to the cause of the Kingdom.  It is necessary if we are going to achieve unity in the Body.  It is necessary if we are going to be like our King.

Yes, atheism was easy in comparison.  All I had to do was be self-centered and admit it instead of deny it like we seem to do when we are born again.  Joining Christ’s cause did not automatically take away my self-centeredness.  I also recognized that I pretty much hated everyone and cared little about anyone except sometimes in a self-centered way.  Hate is easy but the eventual destination is not anything I would wish on my worst enemy.  And that is what love is all about.  It is about being truly concerned for the eventual eternal destination of everyone we know or meet.  But loving everyone in a magnanimous, sacrificial way is so very hard at times.

Atheism was not this hard.  But where was the challenge in it.

Love you all

Tags: amazing grace, Atheism, Christian, Christianity, Church, Death, Enemy, Father, God, Grace, jesus, Kingdom, Lie, Mercy, mission, Murder, neighbor, Self, Service